Global and Domesitc Issues - Sheep's Vision for America

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Issues Facing The Nation

One animal's vision for America

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Gay Rights
Iraq (and war in general)
Animal Rights
Health Care
The War On Terrorism
Homland Security

Gay Rights

Same-sex relationships are rare in the animal world. Any two of the same gender who get too cozy are more likely to eat each other than set up housekeeping. But you Humans have developed a taste for conformity, which may in some instances have its merits. But in this case, I doubt it. Accepting this lifestyle into American society may feel a bit odd at first. Personally, I have always found the embracing of same-sex koalas revolting. But they don't hurt me, and I'm content to leave them be. If I can get over it, so can you!

Iraq (and war in general)

War must NEVER be an option. Victory in war means defeat for ingenuity. You Humans have shown amazing brilliance in the fields of science and medicine. But when it comes to waging war, your creative energy wouldn't power a light bulb. Still, you have a rich history of winning impossible battles: You've defied gravity, triumphed over the elements, and been victorious against disease. Want to prevent a war? Here's a no-brainer: Instead of launching missiles, launch some of that brilliance into Washington. And the next time I hear that "war is the only option" -- well, I just gave you another one.

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Animal Rights

Today's animal rights movement is a prime example of contradictions in human behavior. You selectively protect some species, while permitting the hunting of others for "sport." Note that when you say "sport," you really mean "fun!" Blowing the heads off unsuspecting defenseless creatures actually gives you pleasure. I will concede, however, the need to hunt for survival. (Some of my best friends are carnivores.) But you Humans need to learn that all species live, breath, give birth and struggle to get by just like you do. Unfortunately, this inherent disregard for living things now infects your own neighborhoods. The streets have become the new hunting grounds and each other the prey. At this rate, how long will it be before you find yourselves on the endangered species list?

Health Care

Life expectancy among Humans is an ever increasing phenomenon. Too bad most of you won't live long enough to experience it. I say most of you because those who will enjoy longevity also have a Mercedes in their driveway. Increasing health care costs are on the rise again with no end in sight. Science and technology have created amazing medical procedures and equipment to help save lives -- but whose lives? Who lives and who dies shouldn't be decided in the marketplace. But how much longer is this elitist approach to healing going to continue? Well, as long as healthcare's bottom line continues to thrive -- you should live so long.

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The War On Terrorism

Note to Pentagon: You can't fight an "ism." Conventional warfare won't work here. With all the thousands of missiles you've launched, my guess is that not one has landed on an “ism.” Considering the global hatred of Americans these days, I propose a new strategy: Get them to like you! Earmark some of your vast resources to aiding instead of maiming people. Hold off on that expansion to your 8000 square foot house and put a roof over some poor family's head. Help curb obesity and save lives at the same time through food donation programs. In this war, generosity and compassion may just be your most effective weapon.

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Homeland Security

How afraid should you be of a terrorist attack? Well if you're not sure, there is an ingenious method that will figure it out for you. The "Homeland Security Alert System" is a color-coded display that tells you when to relax and when to prepare for spontaneous bowel movement. Frankly, I don't see the point. However, I have devised a similar system that more effectively warns of impending danger. The "Human Evolution Alert System" ranges from normal human development (Green) to Stone Age behavior (Red). Of course, neither system will make you any more secure. But the latter will warn Humans of the approach of his worse enemy -- himself.

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